Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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