I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
