Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
