i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
