When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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