Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
