Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
my poor anus
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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