Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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