I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
