Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
