Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
