i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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