I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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