Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
