I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
