you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
