Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
