You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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