i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
