Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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