I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
