I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
