lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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