My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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