it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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