she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How does one acquire holy water?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
