Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
