i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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