I want to stick my p in your. b.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
