dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
