I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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