I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
