Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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