bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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