you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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