her vagine was all disorganized.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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