he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
