Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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