I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
