I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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