Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
