Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
