Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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