So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
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