we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
