We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
