Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
