walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
