I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
