how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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