Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
