we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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