she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
