I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
