as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
