I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
