can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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